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change of heart

I have changed from loving only ana/mia women to include BBW's who have gained lots of weight and glory in it and want to grow their body...

A new update

A littel over a month ago I was real drunk, passed out, and fell down a flight of stairs..I was suicidal at the time...Instead of dying, I was takn to the ER, spent 2 weeks inb the hospital, had 3 brain operations, and lived...I am ok now and at home...i am no longer suicidal, at a better place, and, besides looking like Frankenstein, happy to be alive...
Please comment...


I haven't posted in quite awhile...I am disgusted with myself because I've gained 20 lbs since last summer...I am trying so hard to lose weight but it seems soooo hard...Maybe because I love vodka so much...lol...
I am also spending more time in the dark side...Seems I am much more comfortable there..
Would love to hear from you if you want...

New Post

Hey everyone...
Time to set new goals for the New Year...I want to lose 15 lbs by summer...
I want to wish a Happy New Year to everyone...

Med change

I saw my shrink on Monday and he did what I thought he would do increase the Seroquel to 300mg...That will help since I like the effects of Seroquel...However I hate the side effects of constipation and weight gail...Oh well I will cope because I don't like being so down..
Thanks to all who took the time tto read my post and send me hugs and support...It means so much...It has encouraged me to get off my pitypot and make some changes..This will work at least until I see my shrink...
Hugs back to all...

Aug. 28th, 2008

 This is a not so ok post...I should be happy since I am within 3 lb of my ist gw which is 105...But instead

my major feeling is depression...I can see myself falling into the ditch...Self medicating, self destruction, lack of interest in things that usually interest me, severe boredom and lots of sleep...

I did make an apt with my shrink...The earliest date I can see him is Sept 8...So I need to hold it together until then...I could use some hugs if anyone has any to give..Thanks,


Feleling better

You never know how long these feelings last, but i have been almost happy...Absorbing the olympics is fun, and I have been mixing clonazepam and vodka is a nice mellow high...It is nice to take long walks with my dog as well...So I justed wanted to share some happy news for once..Tak care, and hugs to all.

My disordered life

 It occurred to me that even though i post many times, I haven't been keeping up my own journal.
I am fucked up...a common complaint...but I have bing restrictin like crazy and purging with lots of laxatived to stay on the losing train...I have lost 7 lbs since the 4th of July wring my weight to 107.I'm 5'6" so my bmi is just under 17.5,,,I t feels like a victory, but it isn't I still feel fat an constantly self harm with smoking, drinking, drugs, and cutting....I don't see a good ending for me just more of the same until i finally die...
Any comment, triggering or supportive are appreciated...


 Hey everyone!
I am back after several months away...I am an older male who is anorexic and bulimic who also self harms...
I am looking to meet friends and share posts with anyone who is into the same things...My current stats are 5'6", 112 lbs..



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December 2010


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